Teens, Tantrums and Threats. These are three “T’s” that can cause a lot of stress, frustration and sadness for parents, especially when everyone is home together all the time. Have you had situations where you feel like your teenager bursts into a fit of rage or tears without warning while you are left trying to figure out what provoked such a strong emotional reaction? You are not alone.
As I often discuss, teens have a lot going on internally at any given moment. Raging hormones, insecurity, wanting independence but being terrified of it at the same time, academic pressure, peer pressure and general confusion about where they fit into the world are probably just the tip of the iceberg. All of this “stuff” sits inside them brewing and brewing until one thing, however small, causes them to boil over.
This can result in tantrums and threats. Tantrums can involve crying, screaming, yelling, door slamming, stomping around and many other unpleasant behaviors. Threats can be direct threats or just very unpleasant words thrown at you and can involve things like, you better let me go out or I will just leave, I wish you weren’t my mother / father, as soon as I turn 18 I am leaving, you MAKE me act this way, I hate you, I wish you were dead, you’ll be sorry you did this, etc. These behaviors and comments can be very triggering for parents (and rightfully so), however, reacting out of emotion to them will likely make the situation worse.
When teens are in this state of mind, they are not rational, they are not going to hear what you have to say and they are not going to apologize to you. In fact, they will likely continue to engage you if you are engaging with them because it may help them feel in control. If they see they are upsetting you, they feel in control of the external situation, which may be exactly what they want due to feeling such a lack of control inside.
Below are a few tips on how to respond when you are faced with threats and tantrums from your teenager:
Teenage tantrums and threats are behaviors that can really take a toll on parents emotionally. It can be exhausting having a teenager who is going through a complete meltdown and it can also be very hurtful to have a teenager who is telling you they hate you or that you are an awful parent. As the parent of a teenager, it is important for you to practice good self-care. This will help you be better prepared for these stressful and emotional situations. Good self-care will help you feel more relaxed overall and will also help you remain calm, even when in the middle of chaos.
Think about the questions below. If you can’t identify any real consistency in your self-care routine, I would strongly suggest you use these questions to guide you to make a weekly plan and really try to stick with it. You are worth it!
If you are woman looking for additional support around your self-care and making sure that you don’t continue to put yourself on the back burner, go to Karen Vincent Solutions for free tips and strategies to help you live the life you truly desire. You can also join my private Facebook group for women HERE.
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